Yeah, we’re gonna have to take the L on this. What is going on?”įolks, do you think any of that little Yorkie’s outdoor droppings have ever made it to a trash can? Her human seems barely capable of remembering to breathe, let alone flipping a plastic bag inside-out. Then it takes a turn for the mind-boggling, as this genius reveals they weren’t previously aware that dogs poop whatsoever : “It’s so crazy, I thought dogs weren’t supposed to have bowel movements. Okay, maybe it’s a troubling medical issue there - doubtful your Facebook friends will supply an accurate diagnosis, but whatever. Though I suppose we have to credit the many dog owners who refuse to clean up for keeping the conflict going, and not always for the reason of sheer laziness: One of the best posts I’ve seen lately on Reddit’s r/insanepeoplefacebook, which is exactly what it sounds like, is a screenshot of a person asking for help with their 4-month-old Yorkie. ??? just seen in Hayes Valley, D5 /JCYR5BuSS1 They don’t speak English, either, so we cannot impart this polite warning, nor take them to the vet to have their assholes permanently sealed up in hopes of avoiding a fecal faux pas that would get both owner and animal shamed on social media.Īll this boils down to is class warfare: My home is in a nice, expensive residential zone, and your domesticated creature should only be relieving itself in the squalor of someplace with lots of crime and public housing. I seriously don’t understand how we envision ourselves beating climate change when our best idea for eliminating mounds of crap in pedestrian areas is, like, a sign that says “ POOP Happens… Just Not Here, Please! ”īecause you know what? Dogs can’t read. I’m kidding, of course at this point we should cut our losses and turn the entire Bay Area into a septic tank for the surrounding region. I mean have you been there recently? The sidewalks are sparkling clean. That’ll do the trick, just like the Twitter bot that catalogs every 311 complaint of street poop in San Francisco. Oh sure, let’s get a bunch of Roomba-type robots crawling around to detect and remove dog shit. That’s really, truly not how any of this works!īeetl, The Backyard Robot, Is Designed To Pick Up All Your Dog’s Poop /zP7XldSwZM
The dog owners who don’t bag won’t even glance up from their phones to notice this kind of passive-aggression. Ĭongratulations, your park looks like a college art student’s C+ final project. City officials there have embarked on a research-and-shaming campaign, measuring the volume of local canine waste - about 6,000 pounds daily from 20,000 pets, they say - and planting a small yellow flag wherever an abandoned doggie dump is found.
I’d offer a similar prediction to residents of Kirkland, Washington, a Seattle suburb reportedly fighting a doo-doo scourge of their own. Wild! That shit’s never going away, sir, and you’ll be lucky if the sheriff’s department doesn’t block your phone number after the first few calls. Imagine thinking you’d solved, once and for all, the dog poop epidemic. ICYMI: Kirkland's Poop Flags, in the news. “I can now send incriminating video to the sheriff, not only for my house, but across the street, too!” he crowed in triumph. The next day, he announced he’d installed a surveillance system on his property. “WHO are these people who seem strong enough to walk their dogs but can’t seem to be able to pick up after them?!? It’s disgraceful!” wrote one angry man this summer, setting off a thread of incensed agreement.
It’s fascinating how they treat it as a new or worsening problem, and themselves as the primary victims.
I’m a dog person, and I live in a neighborhood full of dogs, which is great - though this also means my Nextdoor feed is crammed with posts from neighbors having absolute meltdowns about the unscooped poop on the sidewalks and their lawns. Sometimes, when I’m feeling too optimistic, I think about dog shit.